Questions...without an answer....!!!

Human beings. A set of mammals with a complex brain and hell of emotions. A brain that understands more than it should, and emotions that are difficult to understand. Emotions are either tilted towards the brain or the heart. Utter confusion is what the result is. If only emotions were just a part of the heart, life would be a little bit easier if not more. 


At times, I fail to understand the emotions that prevail in us. Our emotions play peek a boo with our heart and brain. How often does it happen that our mind and heart walk the same line? Once a year? Once in six months? Once a month? Once a week? Or at least once a day? I do not know the answer. Infact I do now want to know the answer. I just do not want to be strangled by the complexities of life.  


When one thing goes wrong then why do all the other things have to follow suit. Why is it that when you truly need somebody beside you, that person would leave you and would not provide a shelter to the emotions that are nothing but nomads. I do not understand why isn't there a single soul around you when you really wanna talk but you'll have people swarming around you when you just don't want to open your mouth. Why is it that when there are tears in your eyes, you have 10 shoulders around you but there is one shoulder which your eyes look for and is nowhere to be found. Why does it happen that when you wish that somebody holds your hands and says, "I am always with you", you feel the burden of your own hands hanging loosely from your shoulders. Why is that when you really wanna hear someone's voice, that person does not take your call only because he does not wanna talk to you at that moment. And what that person does not understand is pleasure and the happiness he/she could have given if he could have have picked up the phone and said, "My friend, I am always there with you, no matter what. I would not leave you in your hard times and would lend a shoulder for you to cry on, provided that you do not wet my clothes........"


We are all god's children. He is the creator. He is the master. And the life which we lead is his gift to us. Keeping in mind that this life is not too long for us, I request all my friends to open their eyes and look beyond the horizon. You take one step, the horizon gets expanded by one step. You take 10 steps, you increase the scope of the horizon by 10 steps. Look beyond, before the sun sets and the horizon gets enveloped into darkness...

The secret has been complicated....

It has been quite sometime since I had shared something with my readers (ofcourse I have no clue how many people religiously read my blog, since majority of you do not leave any comments). So I request my readers to please leave in their feedback and comments. It would help me improve and would also let me know what I am good at and what I am not good at. And I would know what my readers love to read... :)

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The other day, I was watching the movie "The Secret". I watched intently for about an hour. I tried really hard to concentrate but I couldn't anymore. The movie was too heavy for a small soul like me. I mean I am not saying  that all that was said in the movie is wrong, all I am trying to say is that it was way too long. Ok, I admit. It wasn't even long. 1 and a half hour and the movie was over. But, it was too much 'bhaashan'  and by the time the movie ended, it felt that I was exhausted. Really exhausted.

All those who have seen this movie, must be knowing what law of attraction really is. For those who have not seen the movie, nor have they read the book , I'll give a little brief. They say that whatever comes in our way in this life is because we attract it towards ourselves. Whatever we think, good or bad, gets attracted towards us. For instance, if my relationship with my boyfriend is not good, then I am the one who is responsible for it. I am the one who is attracting negative thoughts about the relationship. If I keep complaining that my boyfriend does not buy me any gifts or he does not take me out for dinners or he is unable to keep me happy, then this will surely happen sometime or the other. Even if he wants to buy me a gift, he would have some negative thoughts and suddenly he would change his mind or maybe he would run out of cash or something would happen that would not let him buy the gift. A point to note here is that I may not have complained to him directly. Maybe it was just a thought. Maybe I had complained to a friend of mine. No matter what, he would not buy me a gift. 

Law of attraction works even when you have in mind what you dont want. It activates "what you dont want" into "what you want". And the thoughts prepares ourselves to get what we dont want. And eventually we get that we never wanted. Confused..?? Even I was. But mind it, the law of attraction works at all time. When we are remembering the past, thinking about the present or imagining the future, our thoughts are always active and act as a magnet and attract all that is in our mind. So beware, dont ever think that something bad is going to happen to you. 

"Imagination is everything.

It is a preview of life's coming attractions."

- Albert Einstein

Yes, that is what the law of attraction is all about. The movie goes on about how to use this law and how to understand what you want. Does law of attraction earn you money? However, the movie is not very convincing. Frankly speaking, if you really think about all that has been said, questions would definitely pop out of your mind. When I saw this movie, I was thoroughly convinced. But when I started thinking about applying this law in my life, I was not at peace anymore. 


Obviously there is a fight between our thoughts and our destiny. If the law of attraction hold true then I wonder if our destiny has any role in our lives. If our thoughts become our actions, then why do they say that we all have a fate. Why do they say "Its all in the destiny?" If a man weighs 150 kilograms, he will blame his thoughts for being overweight. It is definitely not because he has been eating too much or he is not exercising a bit. It is just because he thinks that he is fat. Does that mean that the day I start imagining myself wearing size zero clothes, without going to the gym and without controlling my diet, I would have an astonishing figure. Won't I..??   

And if I consider the case wherein I keep complaining that my boyfriend does not buy any gifts, he would run out of cash the day he wants to buy it. He would forget his credit card. The shops would be closed. But dude, that will happen on one day. But about the days after that. Next day, One week later. One month later. Unbelievable. Crap. I won't believe if they would say that he will never have money to buy a gift. Thats ridiculous. Besides, If I don't complain that he doesn't buy me a gift, then he would think that I am content with my life and may not buy any gift instead...

You didnt call

While I lay awake in the wee hours

I stared at my mobile phone

The whole day had gone by

And you still hadn't called.

It all started like this...

When the sun peeped in

through the windows in my room

And slowly I opened my eyes

I knew you would call and say

"What a lovely morning it is.."

But you didn't call.

While sitting in the loo thinking about you

I had my ears clinging to the wall

hoping to hear my phone ringing

The phone rang and i rushed out.

An old friend had called

But you didnt call.

I got ready and went downstairs

As I sat at the breakfast table

staring at the boiled eggs lying on the plate

I picked up my phone to see

if I had missed a call from you

But you didnt call.

I sat in my car and drove

finding my way through the busy traffic

I kept my phone on the seat next to mine

So that when you call,

I can instantly pick the phone up

But you didnt call.

I reached office and sat on my desk

A thought came to me

"Maybe you had left a mail"

So, very eagerly I connected to the internet

only to find that there wasn't any mail from you

You still didn't call.

With a frown on my face,

I worked through the files piled up in front of me

I was in no mood to work.

All I wanted was to hear your voice

But you didn't call.

And then finally the phone rang, but not my cell phone

It was my boss who called on the intercom

And asked me to come to his cabin

I could figure out that it would be bad

I knew that your voice would relax my muscles

But you didn't call.

My boss scolded me left, right and centre

He slammed his fist on the table and threw the file at me

I couldn't hear anything

I just stared at his moving hands and jaws

Something must be wrong and I didnt understand

Why you hadn't called.

Back at my desk, I again looked at my phone

No, there weren't any missed calls

I saw my collegues eating lunch

One of them waved and gestured me to come

I ignored and sat down.

I was still clueless as to

Why you didn't call.

Silently I took out my lunch

And I began to eat

The food was extremely tasteless

It seemed as if the spices had been removed
And then I knew why the food tasted so blank

Because you hadn't called.

I was in no mood to work but I had no choice

I think I knew what to do

I would engross myself in work so that I don't get time to miss you

Yes, thats what I am going to do

So, I looked at my phone one last time in case you had called

But you didn't call.

I looked at the watch as the clock struck six.

4 hours I had burried myself in the files

My whole body ached for your touch

I badly wanted to go back home and rest my head on your shoulders

But how could I meet you, when

You hadn't even called.

Half-heartedly I got up and walked towards my car

Maybe you had no idea how I felt when you call.

Maybe you didnt know that my arteries didn't carry oxygenated blood

Instead, they carry your love that is filled in my heart

Absurd it may seem, but its true

I wanted to rejuvinate my body

But you still had not called.

I drove back in silence,

I even switched off the radio

Which was mere noise without you

I found traffic on my way back

But there were bigger things to frustrate me, for instance,

You didnt call.

As I stepped into my two bed room apartment

I could smell your presence

Or is it that the air was playing Hide-n-Seek with me

Or should i say Smell-n-Seek

But whatever It was, I knew

That you didn't call.

The day didn't pass the way I had expected

Infact, it was nowhere near it

My day went by without talking to you

I thought that we would talk every few hours,

But Alas, you didnt call.

As the darkness grew dense

And the night hypnotised everybody to sleep

I cried,

I cried because I was helpless

I cried simply because you didn't call.

Without food, without water

I poured myself onto the pillow

I cried myself to sleep

But somewhere deep inside I knew

that someday you would call

just like the way you used to

Or else

Next morning I will wake up

I will assume that you would call and say

"What a lovely morning it is.."

And then I would stare at my phone

expecting that you would call

But the words that will come out of my mouth will be

"You didn't call."

Road To Canberra OR Road To Love

[Read Part 1 (The envelope) before reading this]

She took out the packet of Winfield Blue cigarette from under her bed. As her long arms reached out for the lighter lying on the bedside table, she thought about Sahil. Then she lit the cigarette and took a small puff. As her lungs got filled with air, Meerha looked at Sahil who was sleeping peacefully beside her. All types of questions created havoc in her mind. Do I really love him? Did I really come all the way to Australia especially for him? "Mmm.. I guess so. But I am not sure" she thought. And then she felt guilt that how she could have thought such a thing. Of course she loved him. "If this was true then why am I being doubtful of my own intentions", she questioned herself. Yes, she loved him.

Meerha again looked at her beloved. She took a huge drag of the cigarette and inhaled the air so heavily that it stirred almost every nerve in her body. She found herself relaxing. Yes, she loved him. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been sleeping with him all the while. If 3 years is not a long duration, then it is not short either. She knew that her body responded to his touch. His eyes still aroused her. She felt an empty space when he was not around. She woke every morning only to hear his voice again. Merely thinking about him made her want more. There was love between them. She wanted to bear his children. She wanted to be by his side when they grew old. She wanted to love him as much as she could. No, maybe even more. They would make a happy family. Thinking thus, she extinguished the remaining one and a half inch cigarette in the ashtray and crawled into bed beside him. She wrapped her arms around him and stared at his sleeping body. Yes she really did love him. Without a doubt..!!

*******

Meerha tried to open her eyes. But she quickly batted the eyelids and shut them when the sunlight poured into her room through the half opened window. Aarrghh...She hates it when Sahil pulls back the cream shaded nylon curtains and leaves the window open in the morning. Angrily, She got off the bed, got into her baby pink sheepskin slippers and wrapped the matching morning gown over her slim body. She could hear some noise coming from the kitchen. She descended the stairs and upon reaching the kitchen door, she leaned her entire body towards the wall, as if her body weight was now supported by the wall itself. She watched him work meticulously. Meerha couldn’t help but laugh when he tripped over the chair and almost dropped the glass full of milk. Sahil, who was unaware of her presence, heard her laughing and sheepishly let out a small laugh himself.

“How is my baby doing today”, he said while putting the glass carefully on the tiled slab and started walking towards her. He hugged her with all his strength.


“Hey, control honey. I can’t breathe”, she said.


“Hahaha. You gotta gain some weight”. Sahil looked at her from head to toe and then said “Come, Lemme cook something good for you.”


“No thanks. Please don’t mess with my kitchen”, Meerha said sternly.


Sahil opened his mouth wide open in shock. “Whaat..?? You gotta be kidding. Meerha, You have no clue how good I am at handling kitchen. I am a good cook”, he said boastingly”. He turned his back towards her and started marching towards the gas stove. “Trust me baby. I am the just too good”, he said laughingly “You know what, when I was in college, all the girls used to say that I would make a good husband. I was called the Lady’s Man, saying this he looked at Meerha who raised her eyebrows and gave him a look that clearly indicated that she wasn’t interested to know what other girls thought about him. And all the while Sahil spoke, Meerha pondered over the million dollar question to which she had no answer. “Why do guys think that they are good with the kitchen? It is a nuisance to have them around". When she was a kid, she herself wanted to get married to a guy who would help her in the kitchen, who would help her pick up stuff from the market, who would help her clean the house. She wanted a man who would help her in all the house chores. But that was when she was a kid. Full stop. That was a dream. Now she found it to be stupid. She would rather get married to a guy who would not interfere with the household work. Now there was a different dream in her eyes. The rooms, the kitchen, the dining hall, the lobby, the balcony, the bathroom and every part of the house would be how she would like it to be. And definitely not according to others. She pictured her dream house and smiled. "Whoa, It's gonna be my house", she thought.

*******

"You will love this, said Sahil and planted a small kiss on her cheeks. She smiled and kissed him back. She had to agree with him. This was the first time they were travelling out of Sydney since she got admission in the University of Sydney. The two months that she had spent in Sydney were way too hectic. With loads of assignments, case studies and presentations on her mind, she could hardly find time to see around the city. But going to Canberra was the last thing on her mind. She was glad that Sahil planned it out. So much for a surprise. Meerha nearly jumped out of her seat with excitement. She turned to sahil and said, "Baby, I love you so much" and opened her arms wide for Sahil to get engulfed in. "I love you too", he said and hugged her back. He pulled her close so that their bodies touched. He bent his head towards her and licked her lips with his tongue. And before she could respond, his lips met hers and with intense passion and involvement and they both took shelter under each others sincere love.

*******

"Sahil, hum jaa to rahe hain, but whats the plan like?", she said when they had finally boarded the plane to Canberra. "Have you thought what we are going to do there or will it come as a surprise as well. You haven't planned anything as yet, have you?


"Hold on, Sugar." He kissed her again and said, "I have planned everything." He looked into her eyes and very slowly he brought his upper eye lids in contact with his lower eyelids motioning that there is nothing to be worried about specially when he was there. "Main hoon na", he said jokingly. "Listen, we will hire a car when we reach Canberra."


Meerha started to say something but he stopped her. "Dont worry honey, I have already made the payment. So dont try to change my mind. Its gonna be just you and me and..."


She stopped him and said, "Please Sahil, dont waste money like this. We could have taken a bus"


Sahil ignored her and started telling her about the place they would go to. "The car is going to pick us up from the airport. I have hired a guy who would guide us through the roads and on reaching Mt Ainslie, we will dump him somewhere. Sahil gave a mischievous look. She could see the glow in his eyes. She knew that he must have promised to pay extra bucks to that tourist guide to leave them all alone. She couldnt help but smile too. He started again, "From Mt Ainslie we will drive through Mt. Pleasant, Black Mountain and the Red Hill. 3 hours we will be together", he said. "All alone"


Meerha was too excited to say anything. She could hear Sahil tell her the entire plan, but she was not listening. She couldnt concentrate. It was just that she couldn't wait to reach Canberra and drive through the serene mountains. She imagined herself with Sahil making love on the lush green grass in the middle of the huge mountains with nobody to disturb them. Nobody...!!


(To be continued...)