Nothing actually

I have been quite preoccupied of late. Not because of work but my own personal life. Well, don't put your brains at work. Let me clarify that it is not my love life or anything of that sort. Its just I, me and myself, thats facing the stupid idiot wrath of my own anger. I sit and wonder why are relationships so important in our lives? Why cant human beings live in isolation? Alone. Away from the world and away from its complexities. Why? Why? Why? I feel like screaming till I get an answer. But all I can do is cry and feel helpless. Tears flow down my cheeks while I write this. I am feeling too helpless. I have no clue about whats happening in and around me. I cant help but wonder, why do people have to expect so much from any relationship. Mother and father, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, cousins and ofcourse friends. And all those like me, who are single, atleast do not have to face the ongoing expectations of a partner. Thank god for that. Why can't people live their lives happily. There is one thing that I really admire about the western culture. They give time and space to people who need it the most. Frankly, I am not one of those who demands time and space of my own. Never. Infact I hate this to such extent that all those who ask me for space for themselves get nothing but bitterness from me. However, somewhere deep inside I know that a little time on our own wouldn't hurt anybody. I want to relax. I want to live life on my own. Without anybody expecting anything.

I dont want to say this, but I have this feeling that I am being crushed from all sides by mammoth sized expectations. Everyone around me expects me to behave the way they would like to. And if I dont do even one thing out of all the things expected out of me, then it feels that I have made a blunder. I have a terrible headache right now. I want to turn off my laptop, take the blanket and put in on my head and go to sleep. But that doesn't always happen. When you really want to sleep then the wretched thing takes hours to come and leaves you all the more depressed. Thats the reason why I started writing even though I have nothing much to say tonight. Well actually, I have a lot to say. I really want to take it out of me. Its just getting bottled up inside and I am afraid that it may burst out someday.

I am sick of playing the goody two shoes. I feel sick inside. I want to do what makes me happy. for once. Just once. It should be just me. But thats not going to happen. People around me wont let that happen. It is too much to take. I have to strike a balance between everything. On the contrary, it is getting on my nerves now. I really want to run away. Away from this turmoil. Away from the world. To a place where I see nobody.

Friends, Love, Sex and Marriage

I have just started reading Chetan Bhagat's new book "2 states". I must have read the first 60 pages till now. And there was one thing that caught my attention. "Friends with benefits". Personally I have seen (and even heard) numerable cases wherein friends (just friends) share an intimate relationship with each other. There is no commitment at all. They start with the 'just friends' tag, share hugs and kisses and end up having sex. And when people around them ask if they are going around, "No, we are just friends", comes the prompt reply. "Friends with benefits", thats what Chetan Bhagat has termed it.

I have a story of an aquaintance to tell you people. Its not really a story about an aquaintance but a friend's friend (obviously I am not going to disclose any names here. So for your convenience I will name her as umm.. Neha, the most common name). Neha became friends with a guy called Amar(again a fictitious name). They studied in the same college and were in the same class. Gradually they became friends. They used to spend a lot of time together. They went to college together, they would sit next to each other in the classes, they would eat together, they would sit together and talk for hours after college and would go back home together. Out of 24 hours in a day, they would spend 14-15 hours together. Amar and Neha were now called a couple. But as their relationship was, they were just friends.

Then one day, it so happened that they shared their first kiss. Monsoon rains had taken the better of them. Stuck in traffic, sitting at the back seat of an auto rikshaw, they plunged into a hot kiss. And when the winters came, they had their first sex. One cold winter night when Amar's parents were not in town, they decided to go on a night out, have fun, go to a disc but contrary to what they had thought, they stayed back and made love. And from then on, numerous love making sessions followed. Studying together was just a pretext to cuddle together and have sex.

Whenever friends asked them about their relationship, they would say that they are just friends. Infact, the so-called couple knew that they did not have any future and would never get married because of different backgrounds and cultures. So, I don't even blame them. If you ask me I would say that they did a right thing by not committing each other to get married. 4 years, they shared the same relationship and are still quite stable. 'Just friends' or maybe I should say 'Friends with benefits'.

I think this is the new trend these days. Imagine, you are in a stable relationship and still there is no commitment. Whatever commitment exists, it is only in the couple's mind. Nobody expects them to get married. Remain friends for as long as you want. And have sex too. Maybe thats the best part. Maybe.

I dont know if I should term this as "falling in love with your best friend". Well, not every friendship like this would end in love but atleast one sided love is likely to rise and shine and then eventually fade and die when they get married to different people. Who knows what will be the outcome. Who knows what the 'just friends' are destined to face. Who knows that they may get married to each other. Who knows that they may get seperated not by their choice but by the choice of fate. 

It is difficult to believe that such relationships have a future. Especially when they know that they will not get married. Their friendship may be at stake. They would loose not only a lover but a friend too. Double loss. Lets for a moment imagine that Neha and Amar are not destined to be together. Lets assume that they are married to different people. Will Neha's husband digest the fact that she remains friends with Amar who was her sex partner in college. Would Amar's wife accept that? Or is that that Neha would hide her past from her husband and thus her marriage would be based on a big lie. Would Amar be ready to do that? Would they really keep their partners in dark, with whom they have to spend the rest of their lives. Or would they be ready to jeopardize their friendship for their marriage.

It is a debatable topic and does not have any one recommeneded conclusion.

And I want to know what you guys think about such a relationship.

Will it survive or will it go up in flames..???

He...

He, who gives a woman the reason to love.
He, who broadens his chest for the lady to rest her head on.
He, who spends sleepless nights to bring food for the family.
He, who takes care of every responsibility of his familywith no greed of his own.
He, who risks his life to safeguard the nation from the evils.
He, who performs the most difficult and dangerous tasks.
He, who makes the woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister.
He, who makes a woman complete.


From time immemorial, men have always been discriminated. Yes. Men have been discrimainated. On the basis of gender. They are the ones who give strength to the women around them. True it is that, women are being given a chance to prove themselves. They are now being treated as equal to men. However, the reality will still be the same. Men have alway ruled the world. And women have always allowed them to do so. That is the rule of the nature.


A woman feels happy when her man achieves something in his life. She likes being bossed around. She likes when he scolds for she knows that he is always there to care for her. She enjoys when he takes the initiative. She blushes when his mascular body rubs against hers and puts her on fire. That strength. That power. That toughness. That lustiness. That vigour. That courage. All that makes him a man. She loves it all.


Every morning, we start our day by praising the celebrities and the public figures that are flooded in the newspapers. We forget the common man. What about that neighbour who talks bullshit about you, but is now in the hospital. What about that guy who eyes you everyday in the bus hoping that you would talk to him. What about that grocery shopkeeper who doesnt see you everyday and still lives on to belief that you would come in yet another day and buy the grocery from him. What about those masons who, brick by brick, have made your dream house into a reality. What about your male friends with whom you have had your first drink. What about that mischievous brother who blackmails you but still dosen't tell your parents when you came late at night completely drunk. What about your partner who hugged and cuddled you on those cold nights while you shivered. What about your father who taught you how to cycle. We forget these tiny gestures very soon. We forget that the importance of men in our lives.


Today you have the chance to thank them all. Your father, your brother, your partner, your sons, your male friends, your collegues. So let us wish good health and happiness to all those men who have been a part of our lives on International Men's Day, this 19th day of November. May women always have these wonderful men to make their lives worth living...


Cheers to all those men who have been a part of my life...

Water Water Everywhere...

Unlike how a usual Sunday starts for me, I woke up quite early. Hell no, it wasn't walk this time. But I tried something different. Yoga. Umm...actually it was different than yoga too. I didn't have to do any difficult asanas. When my dad first told me about it, I was like, Oh my God. Is it really possible. You could loose 5 kgs of weight in a month by merely drinking water and consequently taking it out of your system then and there. Give me a break. I wasn't convinced. But dads know how to find their way and my dad did it too. He made me get up at 6 in the morning (don't forget it was a Sunday.. aaarrggghhh...). Very reluctantly, I went to the fitness center which my mom runs. For God's sake, please don't ask me why am I fat when my mom owns a fitness center. Nevermind that. So, I woke up and went there only to find that my yoga instructor had been waiting for me for the past 15 mins. What..?? Did he expect me to reach there before time or what. Atleast I expected him to come after I reached. Little did I know that this instructor was a cruel man and he would force to do some things which I hate dearly. 




Three glasses down. 
"Here, have another one"
"One more..??", I widened my eyes and gave him a shocked expression. 
"Yes"
Gulp Gulp Gulp Gulp. It went all the way down to my intestines. 
Salt mixed in hot water. When I am saying hot, it means really hot. That is what I had to drink as soon as I entered the hall. 




Next, I was asked to lie down on my stomach and do this. I felt nauseated after having four glasses of water. Something was going on in my stomach. It was twisting and turning. I wish I could stop but that cruel instructor wouldn't leave me. Frankly speaking, if you do these exercises without the water then it seems so easy but with your stomach full, it feels miserable. 
I was getting angry. 
And then he asked me to turn from the left side and try to look at my right feet, keeping the whole body constant. 
"Aye Aye, Sir", spat came the reply.


I did it all. 2-3 easy exercises err.. asanas. But before I could finish, I felt the need to use the washroom. I was a bit hesitant. But still I told him that I wanted to go. 
He smiled approvingly and said, "Ofcourse".


And by the time I came back from the washroom, he was ready with another four glasses of water. 
"Again..??"
"Yes"
And so I drank to the last drop. 4 glasses. 
And then followed the series of those same exercises and before I could know, I had to go to the loo again. 
And again.
And again.
And yet again.
And yes, everytime I came back, I was asked to drink another 2 glasses of water. 
Till ofcourse, the urine got converted into stool. 
And I heaved a sigh a relief. I knew this was the end and would go back home and relax. I thanked god and with a smile on my face I returned to the room. 


But I was so wrong. Again there was water. This time I had a single glass. I urgently wanted to go back to the loo. Really badly. And so I went back.
Oops. Loose motion. 
Aaarrggghhh... This was the least expected. 
I came back and had water. 
Loo. Not again. 
And not to forget the loose motion.
This time when I cleared my bowels, I told my instructor hoping that he would stop all this.
"Sir, I think I have got loose motion."
"You havent got loose motions on your own but you were forced to get them"
"Oh yeah, why not. Now somebody else has a control over my bowels". 
Perhaps noticing my shocked as well as hesitant look, he explained, "We will clean your system completely. Your intestines will be free of all the waste and the toxins. I will make it all come out. Infact, I will make you drink so much water that what will come out of your bowels will be as transparent as water". He raised his eyebrows trying to show that he was confident about it.
Not wanting to shatter his confidence, I kept quiet but I questioned myself if this really was possible. It possibly cannot happen. Never. And I raised my eyebrows too indicating the same confidence that he had.


So there I was, back with my water and the ongoing visits to the washroom. Supposedly, I was to do some exercises too. But my intestines didn't allow me to do so. And so I continued with what I was doing. Water. Loo. Water. Loo. And in the meantime, I didnt even notice that the instructor had won the battle. Transparent water came out. And I was dumbfounded. Never in my life had I seen such a thing happening. I dont want to be offensive here but the colour of the stool was literally transparent. I mean transparent. (Please people, I apologize if anybody is finding it offensive. I didnt intend to and I am trying my best not to be).


Well, finally I came and told him that it all ended well. To my surprise (yet again), he said that it wasnt the end. There was still more to go. 
Whhh-aa-tt...??
After about 6 litres of water and 15-20 rounds to the loo, I got to hear that there was still more. Thank you God, that is exactly what I wanted to hear. :(


4 glasses of water. This time without salt. I had to drink it all without stopping in between. 4 glasses. Without stopping. Sure.
I managed that too. Sadly though.
Then he accompanied me to the loo. Well yeah. He made me put my fingers in my mouth and dig into the throat and vomit. 
I had to hold my stomach and vomit. 
On top of that, the instructor was like, "you have just taken out a glass of water till now." 
"One a half glass has come out."
"Go ahead, do it"
Yuckkk
I think he was a maniac. 
Thankfully this was the end. No more glasses of water. No more going to the loo. I couldnt have been more relieved in my life.


But before he went away I asked him what was the name of this yoga. Shank Prakshalana was what he said. There was a peculiar name for the throwing up part as well but I can't really remember. 


Maybe my reactions sounded too negative but they aren't actually. I think its a good way to loose weight. 5 kgs in a month and that too with just a single class. One day of yoga and you loose weight. As a kid, I have always heard about water being the best medicine for all problems and diseases. And now I have experienced it as well. 


So go ahead and try this out. 
Water water everywhere
So much that you would be fed up..

(PS: If anybody wants to try it then I can arrange for the instructor. Well actually, my mom would arrange for one. But the medium will be through me )

Now the moment has come..

Here is my first award.

Thanks chitz for tagging me to your blog.

I never knew that I could write. I used to hate it when I had to write essays, articles, notices, etc in school. And one fine, I just started writing without knowing how it would come out. And the outcome is in front of you guys. :) 

Following the tradition (the rules actually), 7 things which nobody knows about me are:

1) I am trying to develop my intuitive powers (only because I want to do what my fate has in store for me)
2) I hate to ask for money specially when I have lent it to somebody. And I feel embarressed when I talk about it.
3) I always wanted to be a guy.
4) I am super duper scared of ghost serials and horror movies. Even if it is a comedy. 'Coz I imagine it to be happening to me in real life.
5) I talk to myself when I am all alone. (Now that is a surprise to all of you. Isn't it..??)
6) As a kid, I always thought that a fairy godmother would come at night and would open a secret in front of my eyes. (Well, I have never told this to anybody and now its coming. I always assumed that I have this thick skin covering over my body from head to toe which made me look fat. And the fairy godmother would come and take it out and I would emerge as a beautiful princess. (Shocked..!!)
7) Lastly, I want to become an artist. I know I am good at painting. Its just that I want to take a formal training and whooosshhh, become a famous artist.

And now please put your hands together. I am going to announce the blogger award winners.
The award goes to:
1) Rashmi : I love the way she writes. Simply adore it. Her writing has emotions.
2) Ankit : I have been following his blog even before I started blogging. Though he is not regular anymore but his blog was one of the first which I read.
3) BF : There is a very peculiar character in his writing. He says more than what he 'needs' to say. I wouldn't. But he does.
4) Nancy : Love her blog. Her blog was listed under the blogs of note.
5) @ease : Though he is not really a blogger but he is the one who discovered my writing skills. Thanks to him that I started blogging. Continual doses of inspiration come from him. Thanks buddy.
6) RSV : Another blog which deserves to be appreciated.
7) My special readers (those who dont blog that much) : Punia, Dutta and Ramit. It wouldn't have been possible without your support.

Now, here is an award for my fellow blogger chitz.

Here you go girl. Flaunt your blog with this.

And finally, the rules for you guys out there:

1) List 7 things about yourself that nobody know.

2) Pass on this award to 7 other people.

3) Comment on their blog and let them know that they are tagged.

Thanks to one and all..

:)

Down and under

As she descended from the stairs, her knees felt wobbly. Slowly and steadily she took one step at a time. With each step, she hoped that she wouldn't fall. Her right hand held the iron railing so tightly that small beads of perspiration formed on the inside of her hand. The corners of the railing dug into her skin which made the tip of her fingers red and it pained. But that pain was nothing as compared to what she had been carrying since ages. But did that really matter now. She had learned to live with it. All these years, she wanted to end her life and get over with it for once and for all. But she had survived. Every moment, every day, every week, every month, every year. All those days that went by. All those days that she suffered. She emerged as a new Jaya. She tried her best to conquer her own self in every way and she succeeded. But somewhere deep inside she knew that the wound had left a permanent mark and had left her crippled for her to limp the entire life. 

But she was a not one of those who would loose so easily. Her indispensable fate had taught her to fight the odd. And there she was standing on her legs with her right hand on the railing and with a crutch under her left arm, fighting to climb down the last 7 stairs left out of the total 9. That was her way of looking at things. Her way of making things look easy. Her positive attitude. And that is what made her survive the obstacles that she was destined to face in her life. 

She was born a very healthy child. She had often heard her grandmother telling her about what relatives and neighbors used to say when she was born. They used to point to her mother and say, "Look Neena. Look at your daughter. She will look like a princess when she turns into a woman". Or they would say, "This girl can become Miss Universe" and would even envy her parents and say "Mr and Mrs Sharma, I wish my daughter was as pretty as yours". Her grandmother would tell her stories of how every mother was jealous of their small, yet closely binded family. "The evil eyes took the better of you, Jaya", she would say and then would turn her head away so that Jaya couldn't see her tears. But Jaya always knew that her grandmother was weeping. She wouldn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to console that old woman who had brought her up after her parents died in a plane crash. She didn't know whether a hug would be enough for all that she had done for her after she was diagnosed to have polio. She was 4 years old then. Living alone with her dearest grandmom.  No parents to take her to school. No parents to scold her. No parents to love her. But only her grandmother who had become so important in her life that she did not feel the absence of her own parents. 

Trying her best to hurry down the stairs, Jaya felt weak. This is not how she was. Her way was different. Where had her positive attitude gone. This was not the time for her to loose the battle. She had to make it fast. She had to go to her grandmom. She had to climb down those stairs and call out to somebody for help. The phone. Thats all she needed. "How could I have been so irresponsible. How could I have left the cordless downstairs." And it was taking more than ever to climb down. But she had to hurry up. Or else it would be late. She had to do something for her grandmother. The doctor. Yes, the doctor. She wanted to call him. But the bloddy phone. She had left it downstairs. She wanted to slap herself. She couldn't imagine her life without her grandmother who was lying on her death bed counting her last few minutes and there she was stuck on the staircase unable to go on...

There I go...

That tiny smile on your face,
is making it difficult for me to leave
I wish I could hug you
one last time.
I wish I could hold you tight
and never let go
But I hate to wake you up
Coz' I don't wanna see you cry
And that would make me weak.



Honey, I am leaving now.
By the time you wake up,
I would be out of this town
In a far flung area
Out of your reach.
But you will always be on my mind
And in my heart.

I will be gone for sometime,
Forgive me for hiding this from you

I wouldn't have been able to see your tears

And so I am leaving

Without telling you.

I hope that you would wait for me

Until I return with a wedding ring.

If only I could say sorry,

for the times I betrayed you

for the times I didn't love you

But don't worry my baby

I will return

and take you with me

and we would be together again.

This post has been inspired by John Denver's 'Leaving On A Jet Plane'. Today, while taking a morning walk, I was listening to this song. And instantly I knew that I would write something similar to this. I ain't good like him but yeah, it did inspire me to write.

Ciao