Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Friends, Love, Sex and Marriage

I have just started reading Chetan Bhagat's new book "2 states". I must have read the first 60 pages till now. And there was one thing that caught my attention. "Friends with benefits". Personally I have seen (and even heard) numerable cases wherein friends (just friends) share an intimate relationship with each other. There is no commitment at all. They start with the 'just friends' tag, share hugs and kisses and end up having sex. And when people around them ask if they are going around, "No, we are just friends", comes the prompt reply. "Friends with benefits", thats what Chetan Bhagat has termed it.

I have a story of an aquaintance to tell you people. Its not really a story about an aquaintance but a friend's friend (obviously I am not going to disclose any names here. So for your convenience I will name her as umm.. Neha, the most common name). Neha became friends with a guy called Amar(again a fictitious name). They studied in the same college and were in the same class. Gradually they became friends. They used to spend a lot of time together. They went to college together, they would sit next to each other in the classes, they would eat together, they would sit together and talk for hours after college and would go back home together. Out of 24 hours in a day, they would spend 14-15 hours together. Amar and Neha were now called a couple. But as their relationship was, they were just friends.

Then one day, it so happened that they shared their first kiss. Monsoon rains had taken the better of them. Stuck in traffic, sitting at the back seat of an auto rikshaw, they plunged into a hot kiss. And when the winters came, they had their first sex. One cold winter night when Amar's parents were not in town, they decided to go on a night out, have fun, go to a disc but contrary to what they had thought, they stayed back and made love. And from then on, numerous love making sessions followed. Studying together was just a pretext to cuddle together and have sex.

Whenever friends asked them about their relationship, they would say that they are just friends. Infact, the so-called couple knew that they did not have any future and would never get married because of different backgrounds and cultures. So, I don't even blame them. If you ask me I would say that they did a right thing by not committing each other to get married. 4 years, they shared the same relationship and are still quite stable. 'Just friends' or maybe I should say 'Friends with benefits'.

I think this is the new trend these days. Imagine, you are in a stable relationship and still there is no commitment. Whatever commitment exists, it is only in the couple's mind. Nobody expects them to get married. Remain friends for as long as you want. And have sex too. Maybe thats the best part. Maybe.

I dont know if I should term this as "falling in love with your best friend". Well, not every friendship like this would end in love but atleast one sided love is likely to rise and shine and then eventually fade and die when they get married to different people. Who knows what will be the outcome. Who knows what the 'just friends' are destined to face. Who knows that they may get married to each other. Who knows that they may get seperated not by their choice but by the choice of fate. 

It is difficult to believe that such relationships have a future. Especially when they know that they will not get married. Their friendship may be at stake. They would loose not only a lover but a friend too. Double loss. Lets for a moment imagine that Neha and Amar are not destined to be together. Lets assume that they are married to different people. Will Neha's husband digest the fact that she remains friends with Amar who was her sex partner in college. Would Amar's wife accept that? Or is that that Neha would hide her past from her husband and thus her marriage would be based on a big lie. Would Amar be ready to do that? Would they really keep their partners in dark, with whom they have to spend the rest of their lives. Or would they be ready to jeopardize their friendship for their marriage.

It is a debatable topic and does not have any one recommeneded conclusion.
And I want to know what you guys think about such a relationship.
Will it survive or will it go up in flames..???


Antarman said...

I think I left a very big comment here:(

though nothing can be said , but commitment always makes a realtionship this type of relationship willmake their future marriage to someone else very diificult to sustain, but then may be I am old fashioned,today as wesee the celebrities,they get new partners before the leave even the old and they are happy.

chanz said...

Welcome to my blog Antarman. I agree with you. True it is that commitment makes a relationship work. Infact I agree it to to such extents that I feel that this is the only thing which makes you rely on your partner.
I ams sorry but I didnt get your big comment.. Maybe there was a problem in posting it. :(

But do keep visting my blog..


chitz said...

Each to his own..:)

Anonymous said...

Hey Chandni.. First things first..I'm following your this blog now.

And on Chetan Bhagat's books: I personally at times enjoy a "masala read" as we call it. His writing is juvenile. Majority of college students can relate to it. But it lacks the maturity and sensibility, wisdom and experience. His writing is more of materialistic.

As much as you and I criticise these self proclaimed "benefitted (just) friends" relationship, it is already around us.

Anonymous said...

Btw. I forgot to ask you to follow my other blogs too. :-)

chanz said...

done that already... :)

I agree that chetan bhagat has this masala and crispy gossip stuff in hi writing. But I also agree that his books lighten ma mood. While reading his books, I am too relaxed and enjoy every part of his insensibility. Maybe coz all of us still have a kid in ourselves..

Nipun said...

Thats something real serious n debatable topic..
M here for the first time and what I found is the connectivity with this post.
Commitments aren't easy to make. So lets keep things under each and everyone's perception, how they react in their life. Its all about what Neha and Amar think and may God convert them into men n wife.
Its kinda funny thing that I m connecting myself to such a story (Sex not included). The truth which I also thought is what has been written very nicely by you. For sure u loose a gr8 friend..
Gr8 Work./

chanz said...

welcome to my blog nipun... As i said, it is a debatable topic. Everyone has the right to express their views and people actually do that. If only life was much simpler. If only there was just one correct answer to only one question.

But thanks dude. Don't know but I am getting too senti senti types today(ref:the post above which i wrote just now) so wanna write a lot but I better not.

If only life was simpler. :(

Keep visiting dude...

PS: Sorry for the sad welcome. I am not usually like this. I am more bubbly bubbly types. :)

There, now I am feeling better :)


Nipun said...

u will surely better with time..
Time is the arbiter after all..
just view my other posts wenever u feel sad..
they might get ur mood up..

Anonymous said...

Life is weird Chandni.. and very unpredictable.. I'm sure you're also one of those who get a lot of mood swings..

So welcome aboard.. we're both a part of "mood swing society" now


Now Cheer up honey :)

chanz said...

wow.. you guys rock.. you make me feel my own self now. Its amazing.

oRange* said...

hey, once i got reading i immediately got hooked on coz im more or less in the same boat.
something i dont understand is, even if both of them dont want to give their 'thing' a tag ..its obvious its a relationship. they accept it or not, it will remain that. friends plus the physical intimacy cant be called flings nor can it be termed as 'plain just friends'

and why cant they get married to each other? i hate it when people think about the end way before itself. this is a way, attracts the end and nothing else. that one-sided thing u spoke about is BOUND to occur, ask me :P

oRange* said...

and another thing, amazing post and an even more amazing blog! im glad i cam across this post of yours!

u've got another follower ;)

chanz said...

I have no clue why they cant get married. The most understandable reason may be their respective families not agreeing to their relationship. Sad it is though, but there isnt any outcome. Acually, we are all cowards. Umm.. M not really to sure about that though. You can say that sometimes we do not really wanna hurt our families and sometimes we do not really have the guts to talk about love life in front of them. If only, it was much simpler..

stefy said...

Hey , earlier literature used the word 'making love' instead of the word 'sex'. Now the action 'sex' is separated from the emotion called 'love'... Simply meant that you don't need sincerity or commitment or love in the act of sex... Just lust!!!

Darshan Chande said...

Well, this "friends with benefits" term may be new, but the relationship is not. It's existed for as long as the society is in existence. The reason it is not openly accepted (as in the US) is because of social constraints.

One thing I would say is that this is the best form relationship that can ever exist between a guy and a girl. What we call "(forever) love" and marriage are just delusions. Nothing like that has ever happened with anyone in the history of mankind. So, I think this "friends with benefit" thing should be accepted by the society as a standard form of a relationship.

Great post, especially for it's coming from a girl... :) Thumbs up!

Chanz said...

Stefy and Darshan.. Welcome to my blog...

Well yaa.. Sex is no longer considered as a part of love and emotions. Not that every one around here thinks like that, but I do agree that majority of the people do take it to be as a part of lust. Pure simple lust. Actually, there is nothing new about it. This tradition has been carrying on since time immemorial. Even in medieval India, when the country was ruled by mughals, the kings had numerable wives. Obviously it couldn't have been love. Ot lets talk about the period before that. Mahabharat and Ramayana... If there were really 100 kauravas.. why... how... was it lust... or was it love.. I fail to understand...

@ Darshan : I cant help but laugh at our culture. I give the same argument as above. Why is it that this relationship is only acceptable in the western countries. It did exist here in India at one point of time. Infact, at thet time, the western countries were orthodox about it. Wouldnt u say that.. Its not that I agree that such a relationship is always good. Obviously there are pros and cons of pure love and pure lust. Friends with benefits is a package. Complete package. (ofcourse, again with pros and cons of it own)

Sorcerer said...

Great post!!
life without a commitment?
after all, one should realise that keeping the commitment is the game in life.

Chanz said...

Absolutely... :)